One of the guys I use to like, he got on today and I was talking to him. Well we always fought when I liked him and all so I just said fuck it cause he says he liked me too and I will not ever have a relationship that all I do is fight. I dont think that is right. But any way I kept saying I love you to him you know just a friendly I love you not that it meant something, well he's like yeah I have heard that a hundred times and i'm like it is not like it meant anything so what's the difference and hes like fine then. Well if he says that you know you did something wrong. Anyways to get this over with i am like what matters all we do is fight and besides you got a girl. And I am like why do you care any way i'm not that special. Well hes like I just do but could not give a good reason why he cared. But any ways I do kind of still like him he was the first guy I actually told that I liked and I dont usally do things like that. There is a lot of guys I like but none of them no I like them besides him. A lot of people think I am lez or some thing cause I have never had a boyfriend but i'm not that's just sick. But I just guess I am to fat and ugly to have a boyfriend so I just leave it like that. I mean if a guy liked me than they can come up to me and ask me out if not all well. I will live.

  I think finally I am in peace with everyone at one time which is good. Some of my friends hate each other and it is hard to keep peace with them but some how right now I am doing it. Two of my best friends thought they found the love of there lives while back but then they got caught in some lies and both are told to of cheated on them. Now one of them I know cheated but the other one I still dont think did but this dont really matter anymore.

I found this saying today it goes:

me and you are friends

you mad i'm mad

you fight i fight

you hurt i hurt

you jump off a bridge...

i'm gonna miss your stupid ass!!

I think that is great and so true in some ways. but yeah.

hey guys school has been fun so far. I have  got in some fights not like fits fight though thank god, but you know one of my friends told me it's to early to start carp, and really she's right. So i'm tring my hardest not to get into any more. I did make peace with a couple of them though, and I am so glad. I don't know why but I can't keep peace with everyone at once, and I hate it but alwell I will live. Over Labor Day there was a fight between two of my friends what fun that was to watch (not really). I also, had so much fun there me and my cuz and one of my best friends all hung out like every night I was there. You know so much stuff is going around right know you don't know who to believe, one friend tells you onw thing another tells you a whole different story and you don't know what to do, but really the best thing to do is if it's about you ignore it and if it happened to them than try to tell them what they want to hear or tell them what the right thing would be. If you don't everyone just gets mad at you and thats never good...lol So I think I am just going to let the past go and hold on to the future cause really thats all you can do. I love all my friends and don't want to see any of  them leave but sometimes it might be for the best. Glad thats not me that has to let any go though cause my friends are cool. But you never know.

Right know I am listening to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks and I love this song but I hate to listen to it anymore because my grandma(well really not but she was closer to me than my real grandma so I just called her my grandma)past away and this was a song that she had there. So every time I listen to it, it makes me sad. I loved her with all my heart and will never forget her. "I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!!!!!"

You know a good friend is hard to come by so when you friend them very let them go. Cause if you do you will lose a lifetime too.

Okay in the past I wan't the best friend someone could find I always told someone else things they told me not to and all, but over the years I think I have become a really good friend to a lot of people. Maybe I am wrong but thats what I think and no onw will convince me other wise. A while back one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend and yeah this is old news and all. But any ways I always stuck up for him on every fight they got into and she would always get mad at me. But know that they have broke up and all, well he got mad at me for some reason still not heard it but any who I got really mad at him he said I lied which I still think I didnt but I thought well maybe shes right and me sticking up for him wasnt the right thing to do. But know I realize I was right all along he would never do that I don't care how many poeple try to tell me different. So I am sorry for doubting you.

Well I better check off here for now. I love you all and have fun the rest of the year, and try not to get in any fights at least not this early in the school year...lol Well talk to you all later BYE BYE!!!!!